Digital Etiquette – The Etiquette of Online Communication

Never say “Bon Appétit“; never pass the plate to the waiter; never lean on the backrest of the chair, and most importantly, never, under any circumstances, place your elbows on the table!
In today’s world, etiquette might seem like a set of absurd rules reserved for aristocratic and elitist environments. While some customs have become outdated, it’s equally true that elegance never goes out of style and that communication, both offline and online, is also (or perhaps mostly) about good manners.

It’s not by chance that Elisa Motterle’s latest book, “Bon Ton Pop,” dedicates an entire chapter to the so-called business etiquette, or the small behaviors that would be good to know before entering the world of digital work. Because etiquette isn’t only relevant when sitting at a table; we can also apply it to sending a professional email, handling a Zoom call, or using our online tools correctly.

In an increasingly digitized world, understanding these simple rules can make a difference in a job interview or a meeting with a client. We, who have placed good communication at the core of our mission, want to highlight the most important ones for you! Let’s start with a general observation.

Informality is not a sin, but formality is never wrong

Nowadays, due in part to the role of the internet and social media, our way of communicating is moving towards greater informality. While it was once unthinkable to address your employer an informal (but professional) tone, today very few expect you to be excessively formal.

Hence, sometimes, and especially online, it can be difficult to gauge the right degree of formality to maintain.

Certainly, much will depend on the work environment you find yourself in: in the legal field, for instance, a formal tone is still widely used, while in other environments, being informal is more natural. When in doubt, it’s good to know what etiquette suggests.

When addressing a superior, an older person, or a lady, it’s better to be formal at least initially. While informality is not a sin, formality is never wrong, and it’s definitely better to err on the side of formality rather than rudeness and risk making a bad first impression.
However, if invited to use an informal tone, it’s best to accept the invitation. Holding onto a formal tone can be seen as an unjustified desire to maintain distance.

Now that we’ve established how to address others, let’s move on to using the most widely-used digital communication tool: email. Naturally, while following the rules of etiquette!

From Goethe to Gmail

Letters have always been a favored means of communication. Notably, much of the world’s great literature (from Goethe to Montesquieu, and even Count Dracula) is written in epistolary form.
Letters, exchanged in both formal contexts (Napoleon is said to have been inundated with them) and private contexts (love letters, adorned with drops of perfume), now survive primarily in the workplace, taking the form of emails. They have less of the romanticism of the written page, yet emails have retained a certain level of formality. It’s beneficial to understand this, so as not to make superficial errors.
Let’s ask ourselves: what elements should be considered for a graceful use of electronic mail?

• Remember that an email is not a Post-it note and requires a certain level of structure: an opening (“Dear Mr… Good day. I am writing to…”), a closing (“Thank you for your attention. Kind regards”), and a signature (“Bonaparte N., Project Manager, French Empire Inc., Versailles FR”).
• Clearly specify the subject of your email, so the recipient immediately understands the topic.
• Format the text to be as readable as possible. Divide it into paragraphs, use bold for important sentences, but most importantly, pay attention to punctuation and syntax!
• Don’t make your response wait too long, and always respond (even if only to decline) within a couple of days.
• On the other hand, it’s polite not to insist too much with someone who hasn’t replied. Avoid bombarding your recipient with reminders and prompts. If they haven’t responded yet, they’re likely busy with something else. If the matter is urgent, a phone call is the best approach, with an apology for the interruption.
• Be very careful about whom you include in the copy (CC) and, especially, use blind copy (BCC) judiciously. Often, it can lead to diplomatic incidents and embarrassment.

However, in some contexts, email might be too formal. This is why fast messaging systems like WhatsApp are becoming increasingly popular in the digital world. Still, there are some rules worth following here as well.

• Don’t break your communication into multiple small messages. A single, well-formatted body of text is better, to avoid bombarding your recipient with numerous notifications or losing parts of the content.
• If your recipient has a business number, avoid messaging them on their private phone. Moreover, do not send messages outside of work hours.
• Pay attention to your language; there is a substantial difference between a quick message and an ungrammatical one.
• Remember not to write everything in uppercase, unless you’re very angry – IN THE ONLINE WORLD, DOING THIS IS EQUIVALENT TO YELLING!!!
• “Thank you,” “Excuse me,” “Please,” etc. are timeless aspects of polite communication. Should we stop using them just because we’re on WhatsApp?

Necktie and Pajamas? No, thank you.

The pandemic has accustomed us all to long video call sessions. The employee working remotely with a jacket and tie, but no pants, has unfortunately become a symbol of these past two years of work. While this “business on top, casual on the bottom” trend might be comfortable and amusing, proper etiquette is different.

In fact, despite the cozy atmosphere, reminding us of slippers, the couch, and a cup of hot tea, we shouldn’t forget that a meeting is still a meeting, whether in the office or in a virtual connection. Even video calls require adhering to etiquette. Let’s explore this together:

• While remote working, no one expects you to wear a suit and bowtie. However, your grandmother’s old, shapeless fleece is not a good alternative. When working from home, one of the challenges is separating work from personal life: presenting yourself during working hours and becoming more comfortable once the day is over isn’t only about style, but also about managing this separation.
• Behave as if you were in the office. Would you ever eat a sandwich during an in-person meeting? Would you open a can of Pepsi in front of clients? Would you peek at your phone while colleagues are talking to you? If the answer is no, then it’s best not to do it remotely either.
• Unless your entire audience has their cameras off, turn yours on! Not appearing on video can be interpreted (and sometimes is) as impolite. Conversely, muting your microphone while others are speaking is good manners and prevents annoying echo effects or background noises.

Be serious, not overly serious!

One might think that these formalized behaviors inevitably lead to a certain dullness. However, this is not the case. Etiquette is not about constraining people with prisons of formality. On the contrary, it should be understood as a form of “caring”: caring for oneself, caring for the environment around us, and caring for others.

One of its goals is to limit opportunities for embarrassment, discomfort, or annoyance, by providing a common ground on which everyone can stand and… on which everyone can experiment!

Exactly, experiment: because communication is serious, but definitely not solemn. A well-written email can be both original, a WhatsApp message can be polite and friendly, and participating in a home-based meeting allows you to embellish your office corner to your liking.

By following these few simple rules and adding a touch of personality, it will be easier to come across as polite and reliable individuals, while also being creative and surprising!

Want to take an extra step?

If you’d like to delve deeper into the topic and explore the world of contemporary etiquette comprehensively, we recommend Elisa Motterle’s aforementioned book:

• Motterle E., Bon Ton Pop – Manuale di galateo contemporaneo per migliorare se stessi e vivere bene con gli altri, HarperCollins, Milan 2021: https://www.harpercollins.it/9788869059971/bon-ton-pop/

If you’re short on time and looking for something concise to provide general guidance on using technology in a work context, the Wikipedia page in English is well-maintained:

• Wikipedia, Work Etiquette, updated March 12, 2022: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Work_etiquette#Using_Technology

For those who prefer listening over reading, there’s a great speech on this topic by Victoria Turk on YouTube, presented a couple of years ago for Google:

• YouTube, Digital Etiquette: The Future of Good Manners | Victoria Turk | Talks at Google: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ava_TPIVnjo